confronting my "fear of self" and other musings about creativity

I am back! After weeklong break, today's talk is all about creative realignment.

I was on a phone call with a friend recently discussing a lack of creative focus.

This being, all of the distractions that we creatively minded people employ to avoid expressing our feelings and sharing ourselves with the world. Our shared experience was rooted in what I quickly defined as an inconveniencing “fear of self.” With it comes a nagging, seemingly irrefutable voice telling you that you should forget about that new skill or project you were trying to build and, instead, embrace what is practical and easy.

I encounter “fear of self” cyclically it seems. The pattern repeats whenever I leave something I care about laying dormant for too long. Or, it arrives every four months when the seasons change and I look at all of my goals for the year and am like “How did I possibly fall so far behind!”

When doubt comes in, it comes swinging, and, suddenly, you forget that you are capable of accomplishing anything at all.

So, when I, fresh off of a week-long break from this newsletter while traveling, was struggling to grab my computer and write. I had to sit myself down and really think, what is all of this internal fuss about?

To be frank, for my friend and I, there were a variety of reasons that we had struggled to find our words. In most cases, it was the simple fact that it felt easier to plop down on the couch and start watching an episode of “Glee” than to craft and mold an independent project.

But, I was quickly reminded that finding a way to push through complacency and fear was exactly what helped me to create this newsletter five months ago.

So, I revisited my first entry of Tamia Talks and got working on finding my way back to myself.

Back in January, I wrote of 20-something writers’ common struggle to share their work:

“…every person in their early 20s goes through a brief (or extended) moment when they dream of being “a writer.” However, the haunting image of being perceived, making mistakes, trusting their gut, and/or appreciating their interests is usually where they decide to close the doors on the big, scary haunted house they dared to consider entering and decide it's likely best to just stay silent.”

The paragraph perfectly described how I felt this week as I sought to make my return to your inbox! There were thoughts of insufficiency, unsureness about which concept I wanted to pursue for this week’s entry, and general exhaustion as I tried to get my sleep schedule back on track in the face of some dizzying jetlag.

As I spent the week working through my rut, I started tracking the things that shifted my perspective, aided my focus, and excited me about my work.

There are a handful of steps that, with every lapse of confidence, I found myself revisiting. They have helped me shake off the cobwebs and kick back into gear.

Today, I am sharing them with you as a reminder that we can all, to the best of our ability, be active agents on the road to our creative recovery. We find ourselves, our ideas, and our art in pausing, thinking, and trying to get through. It can be very scary, yet very doable all at the same time.

7 steps to realign your creative mind

1. Go for a walk

It seems so simple, but maybe you’re a little like me (still traumatized from the COVID-19 lockdowns of 2020) and sometimes forget that you’re allowed to leave your home. Often, I find that in moments when I feel energetically depleted and absolutely devoid of any new ideas, there is a decent probability that I’ve spent a large fraction of the past 24 hours without seeing the sun or being “in the trees and in the breeze,” as Olivia Rodrigo might say. Go outside, have a leisurely stroll, and allow the surrounding environment to serve as your soundtrack. See what pops into your head along the way.

2. Spend a day (or a couple) away from your inspirations

Close Pinterest, turn off the podcast, shut the book. If you’re struggling with affirming your creative voice, sometimes the worst thing you can do is inundate yourself with other people’s work.

Previously, I have listened, read, watched, and consumed content in excess with the hope of finding something to spark my interest or action. While I was making breakfast, on a run, or driving to work, I always had another person’s thoughts shaping my perspective for the day. In doing so, I often felt a simultaneous drowning out of my ideas.

These entertainment and inspiration outlets can serve as a mechanism for avoiding your thoughts and perspectives.

To recalibrate, I like to assign times during my day for activity-free silence. During this time, I partake in some form of meditation or reflection to pause and think about how I plan to tackle the project I am struggling with. Then, I try to visualize what it would look like to successfully accomplish that goal.

If your procrastination comes in the form of content consumption or seeking out alternative activities to distract from your work, try to seek out some silent moments to refocus your energy.

3. Grab a journal and write away

Are you a journaler? It’s not for everybody, I’ve heard, but, for me, journaling is one of the most basic reminders that I am incredibly capable of conveying a coherent thought. Every morning, I try to fill at least one 8x11 notebook page with uninhibited scrawlings. I write observations about my environment, the happenings of my day, analyses of the books I am reading, and just about anything else that comes to mind. The goal of my writing is not to be poetic, insightful or well-organized, but instead to affirm the value of my words being placed on paper at all. If you are suffering from writer’s block or any of the other creativity inhibitors, a good journal entry is a great place to start breaking through your anxiousness and freeing your mind.

4. Go on a solo excursion to a place you’ve never been

Last year, I read a book called The Artist’s Way in which the author, Julia Cameron, recommends that her readers go on an “artist date” once a week to unlock their creative spirit. These solo dates are intended to activate your” inner artist” by immersing you in a new environment and broadening your perspective. Your artist date could be a film screening, a ceramics class, a concert of an artist you’ve never seen, a trip to the rollerskating rink, a walk to the park, or a visit to a local bookstore. All of which challenge you to analyze a new part of the world alone. There’s a chance that something you see or experience ends up influencing your next project.

5. Phone a friend

In moments of confusion or doubt, my friends are always a helpful guiding light for finding my way back to where I want to be. Identify your board of directors, the people who you’ve found to be your most honest and caring allies on your journey of personal growth, and share your concerns. They might provide answers to some of your questions and worries or offer necessary reminders of the unique skills you bring to the table. This technique is all about getting out of your head and finding comfort and clarity in your community.

6. Reconnect with your inner child

At the beginning of our lives, there were few things that we couldn’t imagine being able to do. For example, when I was five, a teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I responded “A dentist and a fashion designer.” I had a vision, I had even drawn a picture! But, the difference between that period of time and adulthood is a less fervent embrace of limitlessness. We are often quick to shut down or second-guess our dreams to avoid failure, hurt, or the possibility of revision.

Reconnecting with your “inner child” or younger versions of yourself allows for a reflective evaluation of what drives your work. Here are some questions to ask yourself that you can jot down in a journal or ask aloud.

• What would you create or develop if you had no limits or barriers to entry?

• When you were younger, what was your dream job or creative project? Are you doing it? Why or why not?

• What would your 10, 20, and 30-year-old self say about the work you are currently pursuing? Are your goals and intentions aligned?

7. Share your work

Sometimes, the best way to get over your fear is to hit send or publish whatever masterwork you’ve been holding near and dear and sharing it with the world. So often, projects that we labor over for hours and hours with an intense critical eye and unwavering judgment never see the light of day because we are too afraid of making a small mistake.

As we seek to delve into the depths of our minds and analyze how effectively we are feeding our artistic passions, we must give ourselves some grace to make a first attempt. Remember, there is always room to grow. <3